Mom Betty

The following is a draft I wrote over a year ago and never published. Well, it's time. Mom Betty is not doing well at all now and I hope the transition to her next life is peaceful and painless. She is one very special lady and I'm honored to be her daughter-in-law.

A couple of years ago while visiting my 90-something mother-in-law, I was "patting myself on the back" for helping her address envelopes to send a few Christmas cards to some of her few remaining friends. (Most have died). I was feeling pretty smug about how patient and helpful I was being when it hit me, I'm not doing anything above and beyond; this is what we all should do for our elderly parents. Treat them with dignity, help with simple tasks that are no longer simple for them, and quit thinking we are being so darn extraordinary for doing it. Look what they have done for us all those years ago when we had trouble writing neatly when we weren't sure where the address went on the envelope, or  on  which line is the city, state and zip code supposed to go.

My mother-in-law is one of the sweetest ladies I have ever known. She has always been nothing but kind to me and appreciative of anything I have ever done for her. She is now in the last years of her life in a rest home where some days she isn't sure if she should be there or if she should be somewhere else. However, she still knows her children by name and she always knows me and most of her other close relatives who take the time to see her regularly. She knows who she is and she knows her memory is failing her more and more every day. Sometimes she gets very confused and upset because of it. I just wish there was something extraordinary I could do for her, like help her remember things and people like she so desperately tries to do. However, since I can't do that, the one thing I shall continue to do are the ordinary things we all should do, help them be as normal as possible. If that is showing them exactly how to address an envelope line by line so they can send a few Christmas cards in their own handwriting, then do it.

Thank you, Betty Marshall, for being the best mother-in-law anyone could be so lucky to have.